When parental alienation tactics are used to brainwash and separate you from your child, you need a unique approach to communicate your love to them. Creating a website for that child is a great way to do that.
Most alienating parents are also the custodial parent. The disproportionate amount of time they spend with their child, gives them a greater chance of successfully alienating them.
As incredible as it may seem, it’s fairly easy to brainwash children into believing that the alienator is the “good parent” and you are the “bad”. It’s especially easy if they’re able to limit or cut off your contact with the children. That’s usually done through the illegitimate use of a PPO.
Grandparents are also targets of these attacks. Because the alienator can’t allow anyone to present the other parent in a positive light in the children’s lives.
We put our family site up in August of 2004. According to my ex-wife, my sons found the site one year later in June of 2005. Through various monitoring tools we’ve been able to determine that the boys have visited the site often in the last year. We’ve had to modify the site for the boys. It’s currently only a single page. The site used to have about 50 pages of content.
- Convey your love and commitment to your children.
- Share your thoughts and feelings about your situation.
- Post information about important events in your life and theirs.
- Wish them Happy Birthday, send Christmas or other holiday greetings etc.
- Share your thoughts, feelings and beliefs about life, faith, choosing friends, dating and marriage etc.
- If your ex-spouse has told your children that you don’t really care about them, or that you voluntarily walked away from them and it isn’t true, then you will have verifiable proof of your efforts to stay in contact with them until they find or contact you.
- If your ex-spouse continuously tells everyone what a terrible person you are, and you don’t attack them when you have the opportunity, eventually your children will notice. If they don’t, someone else in their life (a girlfriend, boyfriend, coach, or teacher might bring this to their attention).
- If you build a website for them today and don’t see them until several years from now, they’ll have proof that they were always in your heart and prayers even though you couldn’t be with them.
- In addition to the obvious blessing your children will receive when they find this website, you’ll receive healing each time you invest in this labor of love for them. It had that effect on me.
ALWAYS REMEMBER: This is about your children. This isn’t about a personal vendetta or revenge. We understand that you may be angry, we urge you to set that aside and focus on your children.
Technical Stuff – Creating a Family Web Site for Your Child
- The first step is selecting the best domain name and a hosting company for your website. Using a name that your children (or their friends) might search for is crucial in cases where you aren’t able to contact them directly.
I chose a domain that contained my last name because it’s unique. In addition, if the boys did a Google search on their individual names it would pop up as well. In our case this strategy worked extremely well. We’ve been contacted by several of our sons’ friends through the years because of this strategy. This gave us information about them that we would never have had access to any other way.
The more unique the name, the better the chance of getting that name. Ex: www.nischalke.com, www.ricknischalke.com. A hosting provider will be able to tell you the availability of the names you’ve chosen. After you purchase your domain it can take up to 72 hours to become active.
- We have used BlueHost for both domain selection and hosting. Choosing one source for both services keeps it simple. And you don’t have to worry about transferring the domain to your hosting company later (which can be a real pain). They provide 24/7 phone, email and live chat customer service for their customers. They also have extensive training & tools to develop your site. This is a huge benefit if you don’t have experience with website development! (We are not an affiliate)
Now let’s talk about the actual content
- We recommend using WordPress to create your site. There’s a ton of tutorials and support on the internet for WordPress sites.
- We know this process can be overwhelming. But it will be so worth the investment of your time. Your first goal should be to pick a theme. Then put a title on your website (ie: Nischalke Family Website). Post your contact information and a brief statement about why you put the site up. Provide the easiest way for your children to contact you.
- Now, take your time and plan your website. Decide what you want to tell your child? This may take time. Don’t stress about it. Once your contact info is up, they can reach out to you and that’s your initial goal.
- Keep the information on the site age appropriate. We didn’t start adding information about parental alienation until the boys were in their late teens. And even then we used a staged approach so it wouldn’t overwhelm them. They need to know the truth, but if you try to share too much too quickly you’ll push them farther away.
- Write to your children and post it on their site. This is a great way to communicate and share your thoughts and heart with them.
- Post past pictures of you doing things with your kids. Often the alienating parent will tell them you were never active in their lives. If you don’t have many pictures, ask family and friends for pictures. If you don’t have a scanner, take the photos to FedEx, they can scan and put them on a disc for you.
- Pull out any cards or drawings you may have saved that they’ve given you over the years. Scan and add them to the site.
- Post letters or cards that speak highly of you from the other parent or professionals involved in your case (example: pastors, teachers, etc.).
- Have friends and family write their thoughts about who you are as a person and a parent. (I included cards from my wife and stepdaughters on my son’s site).
- Put together a list of your favorite memories. They need these memories to help erase the PA tactics used against them. This also helps to trigger other good memories.
- Have your parents, siblings, or friends write letters to your children and post them.
- Videos are wonderful way to communicate your love. With today’s technology you have the ability to create some awesome videos on a low budget.
- Remember your goal is to include your children in your life and do what you can to bridge the gap and help them heal.
If you’re a targeted parent of children that have been brainwashed by parental alienation tactics, building a website for your child will help counter the effects of the alienating parent. They may be able to stop you from seeing your child, but they can’t stop you from expressing your love for them. Building a website for them is often the best (and sometimes the only) solution.
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