If you have not done so already, we highly recommend going to the Indoctrination page of our site first, to better understand the forces attacking your child and how to fight against them. Children are being groomed and led down a path that purposely causes gender and sexual confusion.
Gender and Sexual Confusion are complicated and emotional topics. They not only affect the individual struggling with these issues but the entire family for generations to come.
With that in mind, we will do our best to be sensitive and respectful as we share our perspective on these topics, but we also promise to be truthful. While it seems logical for everyone researching these issues to want truthful insights and answers, unfortunately that’s not always the case.
Genesis 1:27
“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.”
Gender confusion and same sex attraction are often lumped into the same category. And there’s been an exponential increase of this perception since the ever-changing, never-ending LGBTQ+…xyz,etc. acronym has been in use. But there are in fact some important distinctions between the two.
Defining Gender Confusion and Same Sex Attraction
Same-sex attraction is as straightforward as it sounds. An individual is sexually attracted to someone of the same gender. But these feelings of attraction can be a normal part of the process of self-discovery, especially during adolescence, as individuals explore and understand their own identities and feelings.
Gender confusion is when an individual believes that they’re a different gender than the biological body they were born in. This can also be called Gender Incongruence. Gender Incongruence can lead to Gender Dysphoria which is when the perceived mismatch between a person’s biological sex and their gender identity causes significant distress. Gender Dysphoria can lead an individual to believe they are Transgender.
Transgenderism has substantially increased since 2011. These individuals “identify” as the opposite gender they were born as. Some may also identify as nonbinary, meaning their gender identity is neither exclusively male nor female. In extreme cases they believe that they can simply choose to become a different gender by using hormones, medications and surgery to achieve this goal. And that doing so legitimizes their chosen identity. And as incredible as it may seem, there is a trend of children identifying as animals.
If the whole process to finally identifying as a transgender seems convoluted and confusing, that’s because it is. If it seems that reaching a state of transgenderism could be diagnosed as a mental illness, that’s because it could be. At least until recently. But it’s no longer acceptable to label it that. So instead of mental health professionals treating this illness by bringing their patients back to reality, they are instructed to promote this way of thinking as a “normal” choice.
How Did We Get Here?
Statistically there has been a dramatic rise in the number of young people claiming to be affected by these issues. That is an undeniable fact. But it isn’t the only fact to consider.
What’s causing this surge in gender and sexual confusion and orientation?
What has changed?
Have these young people simply lost their minds? Or have their minds and emotions been taken captive?
Is there a correlation in this increase of confusion, and the legislation of same-sex marriage and increased lobbying efforts for a special designation for LGBTQ+ activists?
What rewards or special recognition does a child receive when they “come out” as gay or transgender from their peers, academia and the government?
There has been a well-coordinated and powerful effort to brainwash your child to view abnormal, deviant and mentally ill ways of life as not only normal, but superior to the God ordained creation of gender and sexuality.
Some of the greatest culprits involved in this psyop (psychological operation) are the government, public schools, and main-stream and social media sources.
If you have any doubt about that last statement, research the latest DOGE revelations about inappropriate and in many cases illegal government funding to influence public schools and media reporting. Indoctrination is real and has far-reaching effects.
Unfortunately, many medical and mental health professionals and organizations have bent the knee to these influences. They have changed mental health definitions and treatments to accommodate these destructive progressive influences.
Political influence caused the American Psychiatric Association (APA) to remove “gender identity disorder” from its diagnostic manual. Additionally, more than 26 states have banned or limited the use of conversion therapy. This therapy helps an individual to embrace their biological gender and the appropriate opposite sex/gender attraction. Science never changed. The amount of pressure from activist organizations and the legal system did.
As intimidating as some of those sources are, the most powerful influence in this battle is spiritual. God has revealed in His word that we are in a spiritual battle against the enemy of our souls. Remember, anything we believe that opposes God and His word is a lie. And believing these lies will always lead to death and destruction.
Why Understanding How We Got Here Is Important
Understanding that the battle for your child’s mind begins at a spiritual level gives you perspective, insight and tools to fight that battle that nothing else could. Satan will do everything possible to get you to doubt God’s word and His love for you, as well as His instructions for how to live our lives.
Understanding that much of what your child is sharing as their own doubts, feelings, and beliefs, have been programmed into them by external sources. A rejection of those feelings and beliefs is NOT a rejection of them. It’s a rejection of the indoctrination that they’ve been exposed to. You are simply seeking to set them free from captivity.
With that in mind, every reason, rationalization, excuse or argument that leads us down a path away from or in direct opposition to God’s word leads to heartache, death and destruction.
This is where things get tricky. It’s one thing to debate about a topic that isn’t personally affecting us or our loved ones. It’s quite another thing to know how to deal with a child that you love deeply, that’s been impacted by this type of brainwashing.
How do you show unconditional love and acceptance of them, without accepting or enabling a sinful and destructive lifestyle?
Do you compromise the truth and go along with their delusions? Or do you share hard truths in love that can set them free from deception and confusion? If they’re suffering from a mental illness, do you feed into it, or encourage them to get help? Especially when doing so might jeopardize the already strained relationship that you have with them.
These are honest questions that demand honest answers.
The most common positions taken by those supporting same sex attraction.
- “We were born this way.”
Since there’s no biological evidence of this assertion, what they’re really saying is that they may have had feelings and desires of homosexual attraction or gender confusion for as long as they can remember. God didn’t create homosexuals. He decided our gender when He created us male or female. He doesn’t make mistakes. And gay or straight, all of us need to manage our feelings and desires in constructive ways. - “People can’t help who they fall in love with.”
Really? Are we a hostage to our feelings? What if you develop feelings of love for someone and find out that they’re an axe-murderer or a pedophile? Would you still allow yourself to nurture and act on those feelings? Or would you use your intellect to override such a horrible choice of a partner? - “You don’t understand. It’s not possible for homosexuals to change.”
Fortunately, the facts prove otherwise. Thousands of ex-homosexuals have successfully changed their behaviors and sexual orientation. In 2003 a renowned Columbia University psychiatrist Dr. Robert Spitzer documented many individuals that changed their orientation through reorientation therapy. And this doesn’t include the large number of people who’ve been delivered from this lifestyle through a transforming relationship with Jesus Christ. - “It’s unfair to expect us not to act on our sexual urges. That would mean celibacy.”
This is a God sized issue that all of us are forced to deal with. Regardless of whether you consider yourself gay or straight, God’s word says that sex outside of a marriage between a man and woman is forbidden. It is a sin. And it has destructive consequences. The apostle Paul and many others were celibate their entire life and were used greatly by God. As difficult as it might be, celibacy is not a death sentence. It’s an individual journey. - “We can’t control our feelings or sexual urges. We try but we just can’t.”
God reveals in His word that one of the fruits of His Holy Spirit is self-control. That fruit is available to all those that are filled with His spirit. He also commands us to live according to His word. And He outlines the consequences when we do not.
What happens when someone is angry enough to hurt or kill someone? What happens when a person lusts after a child or someone married to someone else? What about polygamy or incest? What if someone believes in beating a gay person because they’re gay?
They have a choice to make. They can act on those feelings and urges to gratify themselves and probably end up in jail or dead if their victim defends themself. Or they can make a rational decision to override those feelings and urges.
If they choose wisely, they avoid abusing others as well as the consequences of sinful, abhorrent and illegal behavior. Thankfully our society has laws to protect others from would-be predators that fear repercussions to their actions. Most people find the ability to control their feelings and actions when serious consequences are likely. - “The government and judiciary have legalized same sex marriage and other LGBTQ+ objectives. That confirms that it’s not only legal but morally right as well.”
No man or government institution is wiser, more powerful or holier that the God who created us. And no one has our best interest at heart more than Him. Governments come and go but God remains the same. Anytime a law is passed or an agenda promoted that goes against His teaching, it is wrong. This same government upheld slavery and abortion for many years. God’s word is the ultimate source of truth. - “God wants me to be happy.”
I would agree. But God knows that being holy, by being conformed to the image of His son Jesus Christ through the work of His Holy Spirit, will make us happier than any temporary happiness we can find on this earth. A right relationship with Him takes us far beyond happiness to joy, peace and a purpose for our life. - “I’m in love with (him or her) and love is always good isn’t it?”
The gay lifestyle is never about love, it’s about lust and sex. Does that mean that people of the same sex can’t love each other? Of course not. The bible shares that David and Jonathon loved each other deeply, but that relationship never involved sex. Fathers and sons love each other. Mothers and daughters love each other. Same sex siblings love each other. Men can cohabit with men as roommates without sexual involvement. The same goes for women. Homosexuality is about sex. - “The bible doesn’t say anything about homosexuality.”
Below is a short list of scriptures that reference this subject. There are many more:
– Romans 1:26-28 – For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. Since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.
– Jude 1:7 – Just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire.
– Leviticus 18:22 – You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.
– 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 – Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
– Mark 10:6-9 – But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
– 1 Corinthians 7:2 – But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
How should we respond?
Each of these previous positions might be sincerely heartfelt to those that hold them, but none of them justify acting on feelings and desires that are contrary to God’s word or His design for humanity.
So, what should you do when a child tells you that they think they’re gay or transgender? Cry, argue, turn your back on them? Should you endorse their feelings? Are there better choices?
Here’s one example:
Taking on a transgender identity isn’t really about becoming someone else; it’s about erasing oneself. That changes the perspective of treatment away from guiding the person toward a new identity to looking for the reason behind his or her desire for change.
Your child announces, “I’m a transgender.” You might ask the following questions.
– What makes you think that?
– How long have you felt this way?
– How were you introduced to the idea of becoming a transgender-identifying person?
– What happened to make you feel this way? Was there a specific event that started these thoughts?
– What do you think is causing you to want to “erase” who you are, to become something different?
– Besides becoming a transgender, if you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
– Do feelings always tell us the truth?
– Have you ever felt strongly about something in the past that turned out to be untrue?
– Have you felt strongly about something or someone and later changed your mind?
– Do you think it might be a good idea not to act on this desire until you’ve given yourself enough time to think through how this kind of change will affect the rest of your life?
– Maybe we can do some research to see how successfully others have adapted to this life-change? Did it really meet their needs? You know that I love you and want what’s best for you. I’d be happy to help you with that.
– If they claim to be a Christian, offer to do a bible-study with them to get God’s guidance about the lifestyle they want to live. (Remember, many believe that the bible doesn’t speak to the issue of same-sex relationships.)
You should certainly show unconditional love and acceptance to children that hold these views. But do so without accepting or enabling this destructive lifestyle. The worst and most unloving thing you could do is to sentence them to being held captive to living a gay or transgender lifestyle by your silence or affirmation of their choice.
Showing unconditional love and acceptance is crucial. But that love includes sharing God’s truth about their decision to act on their sexual attractions. You may never end up persuading them to reconsider their position. But at least you won’t be responsible for endorsing a lie that could harm or destroy them.
Help your child to understand and admit to themselves, that their struggle isn’t their gender or even their sexual attraction to others of the same sex. The struggle is deciding not to act on those desires, no matter how strong they may be. God has the same standard for all His creation. It doesn’t matter what gender you are, or what gender you’re attracted to. The sexual union was created by Hm for a biological male and female within the bounds of marriage. There are no exceptions.
That may seem mean or unfair to some, but every boundary that God has put in place is for our good and our protection. Just as a parent wouldn’t allow a child to play in traffic because of the obvious risks and consequences, He prohibits us from high-risk and negative behavior as well.
If your child were suffering from a mental illness or flawed perspective that could lead to suicide or their death if left untreated, what would you do? Would you ignore it or encourage them to get help?
Statistically, the incidence of death for men engaging in homosexual behavior can result in as much as a 20 year shorter life span than heterosexual men.
According to the American Journal of Psychiatry in a study called:
“Disparities in Suicide-Related Behaviors Across Sexual Orientations by Gender: A Retrospective Cohort Study Using Linked Health Administrative Data”
“The authors used a population-representative sample and health administrative data to quantify suicide-related behavior leading to acute care or deaths across self-identified heterosexual, gay/lesbian, and bisexual individuals.
Data from a population-based survey (N=123,995) were linked to health administrative data (2002–2019), and differences in time to suicide-related behavior events across sexual orientations were examined using Cox proportional hazards regression.
Results:
The crude incidence rates of suicide-related behavior events per 100,000 person-years were 224.7 for heterosexuals, 664.7 for gay/lesbian individuals, and 5,911.9 for bisexual individuals. In fully adjusted (gender-combined) models, bisexual individuals were 2.98 times (95% CI=2.08–4.27) more likely to have an event, and gay men and lesbians 2.10 times (95% CI=1.18–3.71) more likely, compared with heterosexual individuals.
Another study done in Sweden showed that after surgery, transgender people are 20 times more likely to die by suicide. The most thorough follow-up of sex-reassigned people—extending over 30 years and conducted in Sweden, where the culture is strongly supportive of the transgendered—documents their lifelong mental unrest. Ten to 15 years after surgical reassignment, the suicide rate of those who had undergone sex-reassignment surgery was significantly higher than that of comparable peers.
Conclusions
Persons with transsexualism, after sex reassignment, have considerably higher risks for mortality, suicidal behavior, and psychiatric morbidity than the general population.
FAQs
1. What causes gender and sexual confusion in teenagers?
Gender and sexual confusion can occur during adolescent identity development, when teens experience sexual orientation questions, teen gender exploration, and social influence on gender identity while forming their sense of self.
2. How can parents support a child experiencing gender confusion?
Parents can provide family support during identity crisis by listening calmly and helping manage emotional development challenges related to gender identity confusion. They can also seek help from a qualified Christian counselor to convey their love and acceptance for their child, while still presenting biblical truth about their choices and lifestyle.
3. Is gender and sexual confusion a normal part of development?
Some level of teen gender exploration and sexual orientation questions can happen during adolescent identity development as teens face mental health and identity changes.
4. When should someone seek counseling for gender identity concerns?
Counseling may help when gender identity confusion causes ongoing distress, affects mental health and identity, or creates serious emotional development challenges.
Dr. Frank Turek in his book Correct, not Politically Correct: About Same-Sex Marriage and Transgenderism, shares the following story that illustrates this point.
“A childhood friend of mine told his parents that he was gay. First, there was shock and denial, but soon there was acceptance and even approval. About 15 years later, we buried my friend at the age of 36 – dead from AIDS.
Could his family have prevented this? I don’t know, but in my opinion the approach they took didn’t help. After my friend announced that he was acting on his homosexual feelings, his parents, who were wonderful, loving people, made a well-intentioned but tragic mistake. In their effort to love their son, they failed to distinguish between their son and the behavior of their son. They rightfully accepted him as a person deserving of love, but failed to raise any objection to the behavior that would ultimately lead to his death. Love requires us to stand in opposition to behavior that will likely hurt or kill our loved ones. In other words, it is unloving to enable or endorse destructive behavior.”
An Uncomfortable Truth
As difficult as this next subject is, statistically speaking a large percentage of individuals that identify as gay, gender confused or transgender, have a history of sexual abuse at an early age.
Another disturbing aspect of these cases of abuse is that they are overwhelmingly committed by friends, family members, or those in a position of leadership such as teachers, coaches or clergy.
If you know or suspect that your child has been subjected to this type of abuse, we highly recommend engaging a solid Christian counselor to help them process and navigate through the pain and trauma of such an encounter. They need to address the root cause of their pain and confusion in order to fully heal.
Helping Your Child
There is hope!
The most powerful and lasting solution to combatting gender and sexual confusion is for a child to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You can’t make this happen as a parent. The decision is your child’s. But a real relationship with Him fills us with His Spirit and provides the power and renewing of our mind’s that only He can provide. Nothing will break the bonds of destructive sexual indoctrination and attraction faster than walking with Him and spending time in His written word. God’s word reveals truth that will set us free from the lies of the enemy.
See the lists below for additional resources that you will find helpful in your journey.
Next Steps
Go to the Indoctrination page on our site to learn the following:
What indoctrination is and how it can affect your child
How to reconnect with your child
Identifying indoctrination in your child
Finding out what triggers your child and why
Fighting indoctrination
Indoctrination deprogramming Process
How to meet their core needs so they can walk away from lies and harm
Developing better communication skills
Learning the value of asking questions
How to have deeper conversations without unnecessary conflict
Many other reading and digital resources
Additional resources:
Books & Articles:
Correct, not Politically Correct: About Same-Sex Marriage and Transgenderism,
Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters
When Harry Became Sally: Responding to the Transgender Moment
How To Talk To Someone Struggling With Gender Confusion
Websites
WALT HEYER MINISTRIES (tons of books, articles, videos and personal help)
Both above websites belong to Walt Heyer. Walt identified as a transgender woman for 8 years and after becoming a Christian, has walked away from that lifestyle. He is happily married to a wonderful woman and has a passion to help others who regret gender change. Walt travels extensively to share his story of redemption at conferences, churches and universities. You can email Walt to request help as you attempt to deprogram your child from severe sexual confusion and indoctrination. He works on a donation only basis.
Walt has appeared on numerous radio and television shows in the U.S. and Canada. His articles have been published online, and his many books are a welcome resource in understanding the gender confusion and transgender issues. Walt is a senor fellow with the Family Research Council.
Gender, Sexual Confusion and Transgenderism are difficult and complex issues, but Keeping Families Connected is committed to helping you address them in the best way possible.