The Marriage Resources section of our site is dedicated to helping anyone wanting to improve or save their marriage. Keeping Families Connected have some amazing resources for you!
Let’s start by analyzing the most common challenges in marriages. And then we’ll explore the tools, strategies, and resources you’ll need to overcome them.
The Top Reasons for Divorce
There are many reasons that marriages fail and end in divorce. Read the full list of Top Reasons for Divorce to find out more. Understanding those reasons and taking steps to safeguard and strengthen your marriage against these destructive forces can not only save your marriage but also richly enhance it.
According to the National Library of Medicine, the top 3 most common reasons given for divorce are:
- Lack of Commitment
- Infidelity/Affair
- Conflict and arguing
Financial problems, substance abuse and domestic violence are on the list, but none of them come close in reported frequency to the top three. Additionally, each of these top 3 reasons has the potential to lead to the others, ultimately destroying the marriage.
We’ve created a 3-part podcast series discussing each of these top 3 reasons in detail called: The Top 3 Reasons for Divorce. These podcasts reveal powerful insights and strategies you can implement to address each of these issues before they harm or destroy your marriage.
Regardless of the specific issues negatively affecting the health of your marriage relationship, there are tangible and effective ways to address and overcome these issues. This is provided that both partners are committed to working on the marriage, and themselves, to have a better relationship.
24 Ways to Improve Your Marriage
- If you’re a Christian, your first step is to seek the Lord and ask for His wisdom and healing for your marriage. And then follow the principles outlined in scripture in terms of how you manage yourself and interact with your spouse.
- Ask God’s help to soften your heart and feelings toward your spouse and theirs toward you.
- Recommit yourself to the vows that you and your spouse made to each other when you first married.
- Do your best to determine why your marriage is struggling. (You may need input from a qualified counselor or pastor to help.)
- Honestly assess areas that you are contributing to the success or challenges of the marriage. No one is perfect. You’re probably doing some things well and others not so well.
- Determine where you believe that your spouse is contributing to the success or challenges of the marriage. Identify areas for discussion about your perspective moving forward.
- Have a conversation with your spouse about your desire and commitment to work on your marriage. Lead off by telling them you know that you have things to work on individually, but you’d also like to work together as a couple to improve the marriage.
- Keep in mind that even if you believe that your spouse is 95% of the problem, you’re still responsible for your 5%. You each need to work on your own issues.
- Realize that marriage is hard. And most of us struggle with the innate tendency to be selfish and controlling (or manipulative) on a daily basis. The Bible calls this our sinful nature. It’s a wonder any of us make it!
- Seek help from a counselor, pastor or respected mentor that provides marriage counseling.
- Find resources to learn and implement better communication and conflict resolution skills.
- Do your best to manage your emotions, words and actions. Don’t let anger cause you to say or do something you’ll regret later.
- Continually extend forgiveness to each other whenever needed. If you’re struggling with forgiveness, go to How to Forgive Someone for help.
- Affairs are the second most common reason for divorce. This article on Recovering from an Affair can help you to navigate through the pain to healing and building a stronger marriage.
- Set joint goals for your marriage.
- Pursue a hobby or other positive activity that interests or energizes both of you.
- Be intentional about dating and spending quality and fun time together. Here’s a post with Fun Date Ideas!
- Focus on loving and respecting each other. Encourage each other instead of being critical.
- Serve and love each other. Treat your spouse as you would like to be treated. This is scriptural and practical. Be there emotionally, physically and spiritually for your spouse.
- If you’re people of faith, go deeper in your faith together. Share what God is teaching you.
- Read a book out loud to each other. Go for walks together. Play games.
- Share at a deeper level, thoughts, dreams, goals, concerns, answered prayers etc.
- Find resources to learn additional parenting skills. This should result in healthier and happier children and much less conflict in the family.
- Remember the best way to improve your marriage is to improve yourself. If both spouses are committed to being their best instead of blaming the other person, you’ll end up with a better marriage relationship than you could ever imagine!
Helpful Marriage and Family Resources
You can find many valuable and effective resources to help you in your quest to build a better marriage and a better you on our Personal Growth page.
Here is a brief list of the type of resources you will find. The personal growth page contains many more.
- Love & Respect – Dr. Emmerson Eggerich
- 5 Love Languages – Gary Chapman
- Intimacy Ignited – Joseph & Linda Dillow
- Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage – Mark Gungor
- Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away – Gary Chapman
- Boundaries in Marriage – Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
- How to Have That Difficult Conversation: Gaining the Skills for Honest and Meaningful Communication – Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
- Make Anger Your Ally – Neil Clark Warren
- Emotions: Can You Trust Them? – Dr. James Dobson
- Changes That Heal – Dr. Henry Cloud
- The Blended Marriage – Focus on the Family
- The Case for Christ – Lee Strobel
- God Loves You – Dr. David Jeremiah
- Where is God When it Hurts? – Phillip Yancey
- The Pursuit of God – A.W. Tozer
- The Swindoll Study Bible – Chuck Swindoll
- The Jeremiah Study Bible – Dr. David Jeremiah
We wish you the very best on your personal growth and building a great marriage using these marriage resources. Building a better marriage will be worth every bit of effort you put into it!
FAQs
What is the No. 1 rule for saving your marriage?
Make your individual relationship with God the foundation of your marriage. Then treat each other they way He instructs us to. Build your relationship on His love for you and your love and commitment to each other. Never give up!
How do you build good communication?
Good communication is essential in a healthy marriage. Listen carefully, share feelings honestly, and practice proven marriage relationship advice. Marriage counseling resources can help with marriage conflict resolution when needed.